Ten years ago.

On a cruel sunny day ten years ago, I was asked to sit down on a fifteen year old reupholstered cozy sofa, in a dark living room, in an empty house, in Belleville PA.

I was informed my life would never be the same.

I remember breathing in freshly cut grass. I remember seeing sadness.

That was the day that ridiculous glass ball I lived in shattered. At least that's what I thought happened. Today I visualize release and freedom.

The ball was broke and I was set free.

Ten years?

It really does seem like just yesterday, and at the same time it was a lifetime ago.
Last night I made myself reflect on the last ten years. 14 countries. 28 states. 3 continents. 2 heartbreaks. 3 hearthurts. 2 loves. 3 cross country road trips. 6 Pacific Highway journeys. 6,879 gallons of tears. 1 shaman. 2 degrees. 11 apartments. 3 jobs. 1 Burning Man. 6 years of therapy. 1 wink at Oprah. 2 summitted volcanoes. 7 journals. 2 cats. 20 weddings. 175,987 kisses. 2 parents. then 0. then 1. 2 bikes. 280(ish) students. 1 pakistani(everyone should have their own pakistani). 2 cars. More friends than I can count. 1 moon.

Thank you Lindsay, and Todd, and Katrina, and Rebekah and Becky. Thank you Beth and Becky. And Elieen and Jasibi. And Majed, and Liz, and Coutney, and Justina and Paul, and Kylie, and Troy, and Elysia. Thank you Joanna and Steph, and Megan, and Uppie, and January, and Shea. Thank you Maria and Ursula, and Jill. Thank you Brian. Thank you Ash and Jeremy. and Natalie. and Jeremy. Thank you Emily and Annie, and Dan. And Stepan and Brad. Thank you Dave. And Kelly and Dega and Brendan. and Larry. Thank you Shannon. And Kari and real friend Katie.

For challenging and loving and pushing and loving and holding and kissing and healing and loving.

I am who I am because of who I am and you are a part of who I am.

Not everything has worked out the way I hoped or thought I wanted it to. Today I celebrate.

Signs smigns.

I have quite literally applied to close to 50 jobs within the last 4 months.And I've been extended 2 interviews to two jobs that I did not directly apply to, in NOT my top location choice.

Sign?

Some signs are quite clear. "STOP" for example. Clear.

They warn you. Animals may jump in front of your car, so slow down. Clearly.

They guide you to the bathroom. Helpful.

They inform you of your consequences. Considerate.

Sometimes they state the obvious. Obviously.

They tell

you how to get to Mexico.

They even tell you when you can't go any further. Time saver.

Some signs direct you to see glimpses of your future?

They remind us to remain open.

Sometimes they let us fill in the blanks.

I guess I'll go at my own speed? My sign seems empty.

Arlington.

I found magic today.

I don't know Arlington well, as I've never had a need to. I prefer to be in DC and therefore have spent little time in the outskirts of the city.

I started walking not knowing where I was going. I followed a bike path for about half a mile and ended up in a lush green land of trees, flowers, wooden benches and cool breezes. I think I even heard a stream somewhere, (very likely could have been conjured up in my imagination.)

I was intrigued by my findings. I didn't know such loveliness existed in the suburbs. Am I delusional?

At one point, in a true stalker's fashion, I stopped to watch a gentleman playing his piano. He was cozy in his living room, I was on the sidewalk. I stood there long enough for this man to sense my presence and give me odd looks. Crazy? yes.

Then, it's true, I swang on a tire swing in someone's yard. I had to. I lacked impulse control. I saw it and I envisioned men in tights dancing to a melodious fairy tale tune prancing around in synchronized rhythm, if I were to actually have a swing at it. So I did. And that's when I realized, perhaps I am crazy.

As I tried to find my way back home I remembered how lovely it feels to be lost. Even if it's in Arlington.

Why do we do the things we do?

I stumbled across this photograph the other day.

I'm not sure if there are words to sum up my thoughts. First I laughed at Ms. Razzleberry, then I shook my head at the ridiculousness of some of our decisions. One blind mouse? Fo realz? At least our costumes are handmade??

My next 30 years? Too cheesy?

Today during an assembly we had a story teller come in and tell the 3rd through 5th graders stories about the civil war.

She told a story about a little boy named Logan Davis. He was a 12 year old slave that was given the chance of freedom at a young age.

During this story my mind started to drift tothe shortness of our lifetimes. Soon it seems people will be telling stories of events that occur during my generation.

I think about events that have occurred during my lifetime that will most likely be retold in history books and through story tellers.

It made me later reflect on things that are important to me and things that I want to accomplish. What is my list? What do I want to do in my lifetime?

In 3 weeks I'll be 28.

I've been swimming against the current for ten years trying to undo and remedy events that occurred in my life and accomplish goals that have been important to me.

I'm brought back to a place that I left two years ago and faced with decisions.

I go back to my list today and sit and ponder how to make those items reality.

Love; I want to find love and a partner... something I have little control of. However I could probably work on my filter, or lack thereof. And be ok with not having the type of love I mentioned.

Inspiration; I want to make sure the people, jobs, and community I enter and am a part of inspire and challenge me.

Freshness; I want to understand how to create newness in sameness. (think about that for a minute)

Relationships; Relationships are the most significant part of my life. I want to continue to nurture and grow my family and friendships.

Chips; I want to eat less chips and more carrots.

Selflessness; I want to focus my energy on love. I need tolearn how to become more selfless.

I am highly influenced by my feelings, my moods, my selfishness... I would love to work on my emotional development and self awareness.

I want to put my ideas into practice. I want to live in Greece, or Argentina, or Brazil, and Morrocco, or Turkey, and Italy.. I want to get another degree. or three. I want to conquer my fear of heights. Maybe climb more trees. I'd really really like to finally tackle French (not the French, but rather the language), and Sign Language.

I would like to see the Taj Mahal.

I would like to have sex in a bungalow in Bali over sunset.

I want to write a book.

I want to own my own dog someday.

I want to consistently have a garden.

I want a clothesline and then force myself to never use a dryer.

I want to hike down the grand canyon.

I would enjoy seeing a live Opera in Europe.

I want to dance to Afro Funk music in my living room on a weekly basis.

I want to take lots of pictures.

I want to document my adventures.

I want to go open up a small restaurant on the coast of Portugal and greet my customers with a hug and kiss and only serve 4 items on the menu and wear flowy skirts and play loud live music and give everyone a free glass of wine.

I want to walk the Great Wall of China and walk through a rice patty field with an old Chinese man.

I want to learn from everything I do.

I want to own a piano and re-teach myself to play.

I want to avoid dead ends.

I want to understand why my Nonna is so crazy.

I want to train across the United States and journal about all the people I meet and stories I hear. Then to do the same thing in Europe and compare notes.

...

And in doing so, I want to remember that any force I place in one direction always creates an opposite force with equal intensity.

Homonyms.

Bye
Buy

Teacher: Can somebody give me a sentence for the word bye?
Student: When I leave dinner I wave goodbye.
Teacher: You wave to your family when you leave the table? That's sweet. (?) (or strange)*smile*
Teacher: Can anybody give me a sentence now for the word buy?
Student: When I go to the grocery story I buy two condoms.
Teacher: Um. pause. hmm. Yes, that is the correct use of the word buy. Hmm. What is it that you buy?
Student: condimins. comdims.
Teacher: Condiments, like ketchup and mustard? (please please say yes)
Student: No, like, you know, the Italian thing.
Teacher: WTF (in my head)
Student: Cannolims
Teacher: CANNOLIS! You buy two cannolis at the grocery store! GREAT JOB!

The Other Woman.

I remember the day Beth packed up her car and left DC. She was looking for gold in California.

It probably is so clear in my memory because of the manner in which the packing and leaving occurred.

When I moved, I didn't have much more than a month warning. During that month I spent most of my free time getting rid of my belongings, storing boxes at my dad's house, organizing and cleaning.

Beth left on a Saturday morning, and started packing on the Friday before.

It was a sad day to see her go. DC was different without her.

Instead of finding gold Beth found student loans waiting for her at the Wright Institute where she began pursing a degree in Psychology.

Shortly after arriving to the Bay area, Beth met Katie. She seemed cool enough and I was super happy Beth had someone to hang out with that she liked. I heard stories about her on our phone calls (I call Beth too much.), and was looking forward to meeting an addition to our small family.

The first time I met Katie I went to San Francisco for SB '09 (:)) with an ex boyfriend. Katie was super cute and sweet. She had a perfect little dog, a sweet, soft naughty cat, beautiful homemade art on her walls, and I could tell she really liked our beloved Beth. My only

complaint, which still stands, is the level of pda. For realz. Actually, I don't really care too much, it's more that it's like watching my sister make out; nobody really likes watching family make out.

What stuck out to me most about her was her sense of humor.

Over the last 2.5 years I've grown to love Katie more and more until we recently reached the ultimate amazingness in our relationship. Are you ready for it?

Katie gave me her shorts. For all intensive purposes we'll just say it was on the streets of Vegas. Technically we stopped in to use a Casino restroom for the strip down, but the end result was Katie walking around with a long see-through shirt and lesbian underwear, so she might as well have just taken them off on the corner of Vegas Blvd and Street of Sin.

Yes, Katie took off her shorts and gave them to me. Why? because I'm a hairy Italian who had shaved two days before and my growing hair was cutting my leg!!??! WHO DOES THAT?

Katie is my real friend. I don't always require stripping to enter the category of "real friendship", and fortunately we had decided at least a year or so earlier that we were real friends, however she gave the phrase "I'll give you the shirt off my back", a whole new meaning. :)

Maybe Beth did find gold after all.