I have so many funny friends in my life.
Some recent people that have made me laugh include...
Majed. Majed and I could sit and laugh for hours. Literally, it seemed as though all we did was laugh. Sometimes we would sit and watch Youtube videos and just laugh, take bike rides along the river path (the river path is void of river, but if you have ever lived in the southwest you know that people really want to pretend they have water and things like rivers, so they call dried up washes, rivers, rationalizing that because once a year during a heavy monsoon water will flow through it for about 10 minutes) and laugh across the way to each other, make dinner- laugh,.. . Our senses of humors clicked well, so we fed off of one another. He is a brilliant creature whom is often as equally silly.. combination=really funny.
Beth. Beth and I were meant to do stand up together. Really, we probably weren't, but ourcombined jokes, make me SO happy. The Katie, Beth, Becky, Emily, Elissa, Annie, Dan, Stepan combo= killer.
I could go on and on about all my funny friends. But I'm going to stop here for a minute.. and talk about Jane Doe. Jane Doe sends the best emails ever. I LOL everytime I read her emails. I don't have her permission yet to post these, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway just because they are so awesome.
Here's a bit of what it's like to be friends with my lovely friend, Jane Doe. (everyone's name is Jane Doe- Fyi, not quite as funny(ironically), but when I have some time I'll make up fun names for them.)
sample 1:
"I am typing with two hands today because Jane Doe is napping. It feels so lovely to type with two hands.
Jane Doe I cant believe you jogged!!! Super -mom. Or just super strong perineum!! You have the best perineum ever. I still have not gone walking but I think I am going to attempt a walk in the park today."
sample 2:
"yes the dress is great. Wearing a bra is of upmost importance. I ordered a bra through the mail and just received it yesterday. It is a 34G. Plus with the milk leaking I need breast pads at all times so I will definitely be wearing a bra on becky and stepans wedding day. My boobs are still larger than Ellie's head. My perineum cringes at the thought of what it would be like to birth one of my breasts. So thankfully I just birthed a baby. Speaking of my perineum cringing. Whenever I hear someone talk about having 8+ children, my vagina cries a little bit.
Jane Doe I am confused a little bit about what exactly you want me to measure. Maybe its because my brain is still sleep deprived despite the fact that my mom is feeding
Jane Doe one bottle per day. I think when my mom leaves I will probably go from being a little slow to being MR.
Jane Doe you should do an intelligence test on me and maybe I could qualify for some sort of government assistance?
I am so excited that you guys are all cutting your hair short. I would like to do that too.
Jane Doe can you send me a picture of your new haircut. I hope you left a tail in the back. Remember
Jane Doe our old youth leader from church. She had that sweet braided tail. man some people are just too cool to handle.
My mother has been introduced to all sorts of "worldly" things since she has been at our house. I have introduced her to The Kardashians (she had never heard of them), the movie The Hangover, house hunters, meet the fockers, and swamp people. She is totally intrigued but I feel that I am damaging her precious little mind with our fancy cable TV.
Elissa I am planning on ordering another bra so if you want you can use it as a sleeping bag you can when we have our all girl slumber party. Just wanted to let you know so you didn't pack a sleeping bag."
sample 3:
"Jane Doehas been intermittantly screaming/crying sinve 4 30am.. it is 1 15pm. i am sending her to gauntanamo bay to torture the prisoners there."
sampe 4:
"Yes Jane Doe I will take a size small then. Elissa I have a dress of Jane Doe's that she just grew out of. Do you want me to send it to you? You might be able to wear it for the rehearsal dinner. Its has pink and black polka dots and has a little black cardigen to match. Just let me know.
I know these emails are directed towards wedding planning so I am sorry if I am boring you with details of my life with Jane Doe. But I feel the need to share this information. So for the last couple of nights I was convinced that Jane Doe was trying to kill me through sleep deprivation and audio annoyance. But then last night she slept for 4 hours!!! So exciting. I did give her mylecon before bed which I am now calling "Jane Doe's magic sleep potion" I am not having any high expectations for tonight but I was thinking about making a chart and giving Jane Doe gold stars for sleeping 4 or more hours and if she saves up enough then I will not send her to Cuba. Elissa I think you as a teacher can relate with this plan of action."
and finally
sample 5:
"so you know how sometimes you say sarcastically about someone "oh he thinks he is so cool that he thinks his shit don't stink" well I have met someone who literally believes that his shit does not stink and that is my dad.........the other night he claimed to me that his diet is so pure of fruits and vegetables that his stool is nearly odorless. WTF
So you know how babies cry and spit up and get gassy because their little digestive systems are immature. Well my dad was suggesting that maybe Ellie needs probiotic enzyme supplements...........remind me not to let my dad watch her lest he be feeding her activia yogurt at 4 weeks old. WTF
so my dad loves his car more than almost anything else and he spends hours waxing his car. Well he thinks my car looks terrible so he has spent the last 2 days waxing my car. Which is lovely, but he claims that the paint looks so bad because birds poop on the car and their stool is very acidic and damages the paint. I wondered aloud if my dad pooped on my car would it still cause damage to the paint? is his stool along with being nearly odorless also non-acidic???
also my dad made me watch this hour and a half long lecture on the internet as to why fructose is poison. Then he ate a bowl of icecream with chocolate syrup. WTF
Last night I was of course up with Jane Doe and I started to think about my dads odorless stool and I just started giggling and I couldnt stop. I am surprised that he didnt have me smell it or something. I think the only person who can claim nearly odorless stool is Jane Doe. Maya could probably make that claim as well.
well everyone is going to bed and I will be awake."
Don't you wish you got emails from her too?
Beth. Beth and I were meant to do stand up together. Really, we probably weren't, but ourcombined jokes, make me SO happy. The Katie, Beth, Becky, Emily, Elissa, Annie, Dan, Stepan combo= killer.I could go on and on about all my funny friends. But I'm going to stop here for a minute.. and talk about Jane Doe. Jane Doe sends the best emails ever. I LOL everytime I read her emails. I don't have her permission yet to post these, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway just because they are so awesome.
Here's a bit of what it's like to be friends with my lovely friend, Jane Doe. (everyone's name is Jane Doe- Fyi, not quite as funny(ironically), but when I have some time I'll make up fun names for them.)
sample 1:
"I am typing with two hands today because Jane Doe is napping. It feels so lovely to type with two hands.
Jane Doe I cant believe you jogged!!! Super -mom. Or just super strong perineum!! You have the best perineum ever. I still have not gone walking but I think I am going to attempt a walk in the park today."
sample 2:
"yes the dress is great. Wearing a bra is of upmost importance. I ordered a bra through the mail and just received it yesterday. It is a 34G. Plus with the milk leaking I need breast pads at all times so I will definitely be wearing a bra on becky and stepans wedding day. My boobs are still larger than Ellie's head. My perineum cringes at the thought of what it would be like to birth one of my breasts. So thankfully I just birthed a baby. Speaking of my perineum cringing. Whenever I hear someone talk about having 8+ children, my vagina cries a little bit.
Jane Doe I am confused a little bit about what exactly you want me to measure. Maybe its because my brain is still sleep deprived despite the fact that my mom is feeding
Jane Doe one bottle per day. I think when my mom leaves I will probably go from being a little slow to being MR.
Jane Doe you should do an intelligence test on me and maybe I could qualify for some sort of government assistance?
I am so excited that you guys are all cutting your hair short. I would like to do that too.
Jane Doe can you send me a picture of your new haircut. I hope you left a tail in the back. Remember
Jane Doe our old youth leader from church. She had that sweet braided tail. man some people are just too cool to handle.
My mother has been introduced to all sorts of "worldly" things since she has been at our house. I have introduced her to The Kardashians (she had never heard of them), the movie The Hangover, house hunters, meet the fockers, and swamp people. She is totally intrigued but I feel that I am damaging her precious little mind with our fancy cable TV.
Elissa I am planning on ordering another bra so if you want you can use it as a sleeping bag you can when we have our all girl slumber party. Just wanted to let you know so you didn't pack a sleeping bag."
sample 3:
"Jane Doehas been intermittantly screaming/crying sinve 4 30am.. it is 1 15pm. i am sending her to gauntanamo bay to torture the prisoners there."
sampe 4:
"Yes Jane Doe I will take a size small then. Elissa I have a dress of Jane Doe's that she just grew out of. Do you want me to send it to you? You might be able to wear it for the rehearsal dinner. Its has pink and black polka dots and has a little black cardigen to match. Just let me know.
I know these emails are directed towards wedding planning so I am sorry if I am boring you with details of my life with Jane Doe. But I feel the need to share this information. So for the last couple of nights I was convinced that Jane Doe was trying to kill me through sleep deprivation and audio annoyance. But then last night she slept for 4 hours!!! So exciting. I did give her mylecon before bed which I am now calling "Jane Doe's magic sleep potion" I am not having any high expectations for tonight but I was thinking about making a chart and giving Jane Doe gold stars for sleeping 4 or more hours and if she saves up enough then I will not send her to Cuba. Elissa I think you as a teacher can relate with this plan of action."
and finally
sample 5:
"so you know how sometimes you say sarcastically about someone "oh he thinks he is so cool that he thinks his shit don't stink" well I have met someone who literally believes that his shit does not stink and that is my dad.........the other night he claimed to me that his diet is so pure of fruits and vegetables that his stool is nearly odorless. WTF
So you know how babies cry and spit up and get gassy because their little digestive systems are immature. Well my dad was suggesting that maybe Ellie needs probiotic enzyme supplements...........remind me not to let my dad watch her lest he be feeding her activia yogurt at 4 weeks old. WTF
so my dad loves his car more than almost anything else and he spends hours waxing his car. Well he thinks my car looks terrible so he has spent the last 2 days waxing my car. Which is lovely, but he claims that the paint looks so bad because birds poop on the car and their stool is very acidic and damages the paint. I wondered aloud if my dad pooped on my car would it still cause damage to the paint? is his stool along with being nearly odorless also non-acidic???
also my dad made me watch this hour and a half long lecture on the internet as to why fructose is poison. Then he ate a bowl of icecream with chocolate syrup. WTF
Last night I was of course up with Jane Doe and I started to think about my dads odorless stool and I just started giggling and I couldnt stop. I am surprised that he didnt have me smell it or something. I think the only person who can claim nearly odorless stool is Jane Doe. Maya could probably make that claim as well.
well everyone is going to bed and I will be awake."
Don't you wish you got emails from her too?
YES! I was totally laughing over here. I'm seriously jealous of your emailing buddies.
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