Full Circle

I've neglected my writing in the last week or two. I've had a strange mix of excitement and fear leading up to this move that the result seemed to be emotional numbness. I spent too much time sitting with a vampire blankness and an uncertainty about my decision. In so many ways it felt right, but I'm just so bloody tired of packing and moving and living out of a suitcase. I'm tired of looking for jobs. I'm tired of searching, searching, searching.

I did a horrible packing job. Mostly because I chose to spend all of my free time either playing with my new and old friends or reading bad literature on the balcony.

Somewhere in my refusal to think or process the decision to move to Portland I felt the urge to let my roots go. I am ready to build a home.

Definition of HOME

1

a : one's place of residence : b : House

2

: the social unit formed by a family living together

3

a : a familiar or usual setting : congenial environment; also: the focus of one's domestic attention;home is where the heart isb : Habitat

4

a : a place of origin home to spawn;; also : one's own country home and abroad;: headquarters 2; home of the dance company

5

: an establishment providing residence and care for people with special needs;homes for the elderly;

6

: the objective in various games; especially : home plate

— at home

1

: relaxed and comfortable : at ease at home on the stage;

2

: in harmony with the surroundings

3

: on familiar ground : knowledgeable at home in their subject field

home:

My definition: A place to unpack my clothes. A place where my cat can freely run. A place/space full of friends.

A routine with added freshness each week or month. A job that is full of love and life. A space to explore and find deeper understanding of existence and purpose.

My first couple days in Portland have been wonderful. I was welcomed with the most loving arms and helpful muscles to carry my 3 enormous suitcases. I was given a cozy bed and two cats that enjoy sitting and staring. I was surrounded by familiar faces and positive energy.

In the mornings I pour my coffee and walk 12 feet over to the mansion and visit with the Stutzman girls. Sometimes I bring my breakfast over with me.

Then I go to interviews or apply to more jobs, walk throughout the neighborhood keeping my eyes out for apartments, and play endless hours of kickball in the park.

Yesterday on a walk I was lost in this city of green. Roses in every yard, bamboo on street corners, tiger lilies and lilacs winking at me as I walked by. Garden beds on the sidewalks, flowers too exotic for the most exotic of islands right here in my new city. All hues collided together to make a splash of approval.

Further along on my walk I spotted a hula hoop... and then another.. and another, and another, and another, and received my second or third or fourth confirmation that I do belong in this place.

Then I found two rad martini glasses in a "free" box and grabbed a handful of rosemary in one hand and fennel leaves in the other. I might have even skipped down a block.

I walked back to find the residents of Schuyler Mansion sitting on the stoop.

I saw a glimpse into my home.