Letters

I started today as a Ms. Mopeaaay. I do not like myself when I mope. Grumpy can be tolerable; mopey makes me extra emotional which makes me irrational which oftentimes later makes me sad. I try to avoid or deflect mopey at all possible costs.  
So, I went into full steam.  I drug myself to a favorite local coffee shop and read Sadartha while drinking tasty expensive coffee. I came home and made a special egg sandwich, (olive and cheese, topped with ketchup... yum). Then I walked 34 blocks and across the Morrison Bridge to a new yoga studio for new type of yoga, yay! I crossed a different bridge (I'm a hopeless romantic; I love walking across bridges.), and stopped for some fresh local vegetables on the 2 mile walk home. 

Sure, all of those prana giving healthy choices helped a little, but as soon as I got home I fell back into morning mopester. I tried a new technique for the second half of the afternoon. This time I would embrace it and completely relish in my single-hood. I made a mental list of all reasons I am thankful for this space and time of my life. I've got it good. 

I made my healthy wild rice vegetable bake, blah blah blah, made coffee at 5:00 pm, whatever I don't even care!, turned my pandora to Regina Spektor and the powerhouse ladies, and pulled out the ole file folder box. 


Inside that box is a folder titled, "Love Letters". Shiiiiiiiiiiit, I did it. I pulled it, sat down in the middle of the carpet with my coffee and wild rice on one side and blinds open on the other. I just read through years of love letters. 

I stopped when I was interrupted by Beyoncé's Single Ladies playing in the background. Seriously, I'm not even joking a little. 

I find myself laughing at the impeccable timing of the universe.  I like letting things unfold. I like life. I like being a single lady right now. 

So now, I'm going to take this slightly caffeinated, well fed, single Elissa, and I'm going to go dancing, because I can. 

A new kind of love

I love love. Sometimes I can give myself a natural high thinking about all the ways to give and feel love.  It is not uncommon for me to read about it, talk about it, consciously observe it, and practice it. Yet, I'm 29 and a half years old and I still feel clueless. This world seems as much of a mystery to me as it did in 1999. Last week I traveled back to Pennsylvania for the Holidays and I experienced an new kind of love.
My nuclear family hasn't been together, perhaps even once, since April of 2001. This has forced me to evaluate, redefine, and contemplate my definition of "family". With each experience the definition evolves. It gets better and better.
Two years ago we came together twice in one year; for the weddings of both my baby and big sister.  This summer my big sister gave birth to our first family baby, Anwen Rosemary. This, and because my father has been planning a move back to Sicily during this upcoming year an almost silent command was initiated for us to be together again. We traveled from Brooklyn NY, Wichita KS, Portland OR, and Harrisonburg VA to get to Central Pennsylvania for the Holidays.
We laughed so much during our four days together. We laughed at each other, with each other, silently or loud enough to force Papa to wear double ear plugs at night. We passed around our baby, celebrated with food and wine and...beer, rum, and Disaronno- a family staple), we played games-sometimes against our will, we had snow ball fights- also sometimes against our will, we reminisced and shared old family stories while walking through the cemetery or cozily snuggling beside the Christmas tree, we had fun!
We Cirignotta's have traveled through some rocky roads. Life hasn't been a peach pie; we are all very different creatures and have responded uniquely different to the rocks we've encountered on our individual and collective paths. The additional four members, my amazing(ly) tall brother-in-laws, the treasure box that is my brother's girlfriend, and our butterball Anwen have all served as bridges.
I am very thankful for the blood family I was born into and all the lessons I've learned from each and every one of them. They have been some of my greatest teachers.
I am grateful I spent my last week of 2012 with a new kind of Cirignotta plus family.