The observed life

There are many things I don't do enough of and some I do way too much of. Lately, reading and writing have fallen dismally low on my list.
However, I suppose Christmas vacation is the perfect time to catch up on all those things.
I'm reading a book right now about several characters, some perfect strangers, who live alongside one another. One of the characters lives a quiet life. He has a relationship with one human, the neighbor who lives above him. He fears he will live the unobserved life. That all things and memories from his life will be lost to oblivion when he reaches death.
For some reason that thought stuck with me. Why? I do not worry about living a life alone, void of friendships and beautiful relationships, but perhaps its more my memory, or lack there of, that I worry about.
Once upon a time I was an obsessive journaler, documenting every small detail of my day. Today I write notes here and there, that so often end up in trashcans or in stacked up post-it note piles. I know I love life, but I don't often take the time to write stories of my day.

Mission: Document more life.

choir boys

This evening I stopped and shivered against a brick wall and listened to the choir boys through the open stain class windows.


Another taste of Portland's magic.

I found a dime in my dream.

Hello blog,

It has been quite awhile since I have sat down and had honest reflection.

The last two months have been a blur; a series of events, within my life or of those connected to me, that have had life altering effects. I'm left feeling numb, slightly in awe, confused, and perhaps unbalanced.
Life feels bigger than me. My skill set is either vastly under-develeoped or under-practiced. I do not feel qualified to offer counsel to my friends. I do not feel competent enough to manage my work responsibilities. And I once again am struck by the curse of falling in love.  Often all I have to give is deep empathy and silence. I see pain and sorrow seeping from their energy.

I am sad. Pain and suffering is real. And it is strong.

Alongside my sadness is love. I love to love. I love love. I believe it will conquer all. In the midst of all the pain we can find love. Julie will learn to live and love in this lifetime without the guidance of her earth mother. Michael will one day ride public transportation without fearing stab wounds. Lila will find a peace in her sexuality. Valerie will continue to walk alongside her dying husband. I will allow the universe to unfold in front of me.

 Embrace it and allow pain to have it's time and serve it's purpose.

And I'll accept the dimes that come to me in my sleep.

 Love,
Elissa

fun notes to get

"I'm so yours it's stupid!"

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Sidewalk chalk

makes imagination become reality.

Crunchy Granola

is my favorite...

Letting go.

You know how there are some people in your life that are more than just a 'good friend'? It's almost as though they are a part of you, and no matter where you go or what you do, they will always be a part of you, until perhaps even beyond death.
I don't often make those types of connections with men, for what reasons I do not know entirely. However there are a few that have become a part of my existence. Perhaps we knew and loved each other in a past life, or perhaps their strengths/gifts maximize mine and we contribute to the betterment of our combined healing, growth, etc.. just some thoughts?

Majed is a human that I love and will love for forever and ever. I wish nothing but abundance, prosperity, and love for this man. And if our paths never cross again on this earth, I look forward to when they will in another time.

Majed taught me great things that I was waiting to learn and know. He came into my life at a time where I was ready to learn the things that Majed teaches. With him as my guide I developed a deeper and new definition of openness. I practiced how to put aside indoctrinated beliefs and just listen. The vibrations of my body began to change. He was a part of my journey towards healing. and enlightenment.

Today I was able to have a conversation with my beloved Majed about a particular area of pain that I'm facing in my life. I've said the words that I've needed to face for months now. Hearing those words come out of Majed's mouth, showed me the urgency and significance of acting on them.
"You must let go, Elissa. Let Go."

Today I start the journey of letting go and learning what comes after you let go.

arriving home.

How is it that the ocean can make you feel like you have arrived home even if you're thousands of miles from your bed?
Perhaps that's one of the mysteries of the world.

Today I arrived home once again. The moment my feet met ocean.

I thought about and did many things today.

I thought about the struggle I've had with my family. The sadness that comes along with a broken family, the loneliness of being motherless despite the fact your mother is still breathing, and the pain of not being understand by siblings.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family, deeply. However I'm still healing. And not to be pitied too much, I'm quite happy and at peace with where life has brought me..

I thought about love. About how I'm surrounded by love in most every direction which whelms me and inspires me to try my hardest to spit love out onto those around me.



I thought about how Oregon is incredible in its beauty. And how happy I am that I live here.

Wednesday August 17, 2011

For the first time in my life I think could become a homebody.

Some may mock and that's just fine, but I really do believe my home is a vortex of magic. My nighttime routine might be my favorite. It involves turning on the lamp, lighting some incense with a few small white candles, taking off all the make-up and the day's worth of dirt from my face, making a satisfying cup of hot herbal tea, putting my soft and silky red nightgown on and sitting down at my desk to read or write, or sometimes just think about the day.

Tonight I think about how I awoke to a crisp summer breeze blowing in from the open bay windows above my bed, with my sweet kitty purring beside me. I won't even get into the cute plumber who banged the door down to grace us with his smile and handymanship.

I then brewed some coffee and enjoyed my home.

Today I also cut 12 inches of brown curls off of my head, well rather Meleni did. In a way I feel this new identity with it. I look  different. It feels different. But que sera, it's just hair. This month has brought with it so many "news"; A freshness, love, and openness that I felt like I needed to cut the deadness out of my hair.  Even if I do look chubbier and its not as nice as my curls, I'll embrace it.
http://www.royalthesalon.com/

Instead of going out for a walk or on an errand I'm sure I could have run, all I wanted to do was return straight home and continue reading, curled up on the porch, the couch, or in my haven of a bedroom.

I ended my evening by walking 8 blocks to my dearest and closest friends' home. I laughed, smoked,  listened, probably talked too much, and simply enjoyed the company of people I care about. Every moment of ingesting pleasure was appreciated yet knowing that I would be ending the night in my new home alone was the best feeling.

Sometimes I see glimpses of my "craziness" when I do things like thank the trees for their leaves and the stars for their beauty and the moon for its love, out loud, while walking down the street on my way home.  Tonight I just couldn't contain it to silent thoughts. I really do love the trees for what they bring us, and I REALLY do love to lie on my back and star gaze. I mean come on now, how many of you have had the stars set the mood for a romantic date or have used them to help guide you North or to clarity?
I suppose it was the a result of being whelmed with joy. Its a lovely feeling knowing that you are near friends. I love building a community where meals are shared and hands are held, walks are taken, and beers are poured. Where love is spread, like seeds. I love living in a home that is beautiful and safe, with a growing garden, and oxygenated rooms. I love walking to Saturday Market for incense and the farmers market on Sundays. I love knowing I will be starting a job on Wednesday. I'm satisfied, yet not afraid to continue to move forward knowing, it's just going to get better and better.

With all that said, it's safe to say that I'm becoming more ok with my craziness... even if the neighbors on 12th and Hancock are not.

Grape Ape on Schuyler Ave

Earlier this evening a 40 year man and his 9 year boy decided to go out for a father son bonding memory. The night probably began with a game of baseball in the park, followed by a trip to the library, ending with a quick stop at Voodoo doughnuts for a sneak of some late night sugar that they have both promised never to tell mom about. Shortly after arriving into Voodoo the father was not so difficultly enticed into buying the "evening special". A five gallon bucket of 'overstock' daily doughnuts. They preceded to get into their white somewhat windowless 15 passenger van that they casually had lying around the house, followed by a freak out reality check that mom "is going to flip her shit when she sees we came home with 58 doughnuts!" The decision was made. Father-son night time neighborhood adventure!

Meanwhile I was walking the short 8 block distance from my friend's house to mine. A block into my lovely walk home I was beckoned by a small 9 year old boy and his father in the front seats of a somewhat windowless white 15 passenger van saying, "pssst. pssst.. wanna doughnut??!" I did a quick double take and after the third doughnut offer realized that this was reality. This little boy really did have a 5 gallon bucket full of beautifully decorated doughnuts and he really was in a shady 15 passenger van with an older gentleman. And they really were psssting at me on a somewhat residential part of the neighborhood. I walked up to them to get a closer look, although secretly really wanted to take a doughnut. They looked legit. They sounded legit. Alright then. The father drove off and shouted, "KEEP PORTLAND WEIRD!"

Obviously I had to share this voodoo doughnut experience with my friends on the porch. I walked back, split the doughnut into sixths, and we all ate magic while I told my story. One member of the porch fellowship wanted another doughnut and suggested we walk down the street. Lo and behold father and son pair were tapping on uppity restaurants windows while holding up the doughnuts and pointing at them, they were passing them out to the homeless men on the corner, and nearby passerbys. They were practically throwing them in the air while singing magical Disney songs and clapping their heals together as the doughnuts fell like rain. It was quite beautiful to observe. They were spreading love in the form of a doughnut! ...

The end of the story resulted in 6 happy love filled friends smiling alongside a father and son who wanted to spread joy one beautiful August evening, one doughnut at a time.
No amount of calorie could have interfered with the pleasure of that doughnut.



A few of our samplings included:



Dirt doughnut
Raised yeast doughnut with vanilla frosting and Oreos!


Grape Ape
Raised yeast doughnut with vanilla frosting, grape dust and lavender sprinkles!



Marshall Matters
Plain cake doughnut with vanilla frosting and mini M&M’s!



Chocolate coconut
Chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate frosting and flake coconut!




Some of the ones we did NOT try were:

Arnold Palmer
Plain cake doughnut with vanilla frosting and lemonade/ice tea dust on top!


Dirty snowballs
Chocolate cake doughnut with marshmallow topping, dipped in coconut and a dollop of peanut butter in the middle!


Cock-N-Balls
Cock-n-balls shaped raised yeast doughnut triple filled with Bavarian cream and topped with chocolate frosting!




http://voodoodoughnut.com/menu.php

Bring me this.

Changing the world.

Have you ever had that moment when you knew that everything, every breath, every event that happened in your life lead you to this specific place? That you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Love this journey. Love every moment of your current existence. Allow each and every painful memory to become an experience that will strengthen, change, and guide you into becoming who you are at this moment in time.

This moment is this. This moment is this.
It needed to be written twice because it needs to be said twice in order to begin the process of seeping into your understanding. This moment is this.

In this moment you are beautiful.


.......................................

Two beautiful women recently came into my life. They were brought to me at the time I needed them. They are sisters of mine and will be a part of my life until my last breath and probably beyond.

We realized something in unison. We see love at the core of all. Love is the foundation of everything. We experience the power of the Omnipresent Good. We want to change the world... and by golly, I think we can do it.
Go Forth in Perfect Faith.

Dimes

I want to vibrate in harmony with who I really am.

Love

I want to feel good.

Love

I want to find the thought that feels the best.

Love

I will go forth in perfect faith in the power of Omnipresent Good to bring me what I need at the time I need it.

Rose

I grew up in a home that was fairly rich in culture and ridiculously strict with traditions. No one would dare challenge some of the idiocracies threaded into years of passed down rules... such as name everyone the same name...?
My grandmother is Maddalena Guastella and my grandfather is Salvatore Cirignotta. My sister is Maddalena, my bother Salvatore, my cousin is named Salvatore, and my other cousin is Salvatore, and my uncle is Salvatore and my friend down the street is Salvatore because his grandfather was Salvatore; but getting back to family, the Maddalenas do just as good of a job of decorating the town.
This is such a powerful tradition that my grandfather cried when he heard my American(Jewish) mother did not want to name her son Salvatore; a reasonable wish, wouldn't you say?

Because my siblings had forced names, my mother decided to withhold middle names from all of us, just to be fair, obviously.
I shouldn't be too upset about the fact that I'm middlenameless because I am the only child in my family with a completely original name. Yet when you are a 9 year old fourth grader who has already been named the class misfit going to school on "Call yourself by your Middle Name day" becomes so much more frustrating. It becomes yet another thing you have to do to explain your unaccepted differences.
And that marks the day that I started making them up. Elissa Rosalia, Elissa Rosella, Elissa Marie, and Elissa Rosanna were among the most common. I had a strange fascination with the Rose+combo and would often rotate through them.


____
It's been a while since I have adopted a new middle name.
Roses have recently become a significant part of my life. This evening after another magical evening on the porch with beautiful souls I decided that in this new phase of my life I will give myself the middle name Rose, simply.

The Porch

The Porch

The porch is a place where women gather in solidarity; where we learn how to live as motherless daughters.

The porch is a place where you are heard.

It is a place where music is made, where dreams become reality, a place where friendships begin.

Sisters are given permission to hold hands and evolve, united in love.

Stories are breathed and tears are embraced.

Time disappears and the purest of love beams from the hearts of those that are present.

The porch is a place where you get what you need, where love is bigger than hate, and good is omnipresent.

All are welcome on my porch.

Imma Jew

My first lesson in being a Jew. From an Indian 26 year old man in a strange house in Madison Wisconsin. His name, Mohamed.

shabbat- free dinner on Fridays, These happen at the jewish palaces called Halliel
Oy Vey- this means, "woooah",
Schiska- Seinfeid says its a Jewish temptress. She tempts non jews or Jews on the fence. It's a negative phrase, like, "Man, that girls a schiska."
Schmutz- weird crappy thing you can't get off your jacket. "You got some schmutz there, you better wipe if off before you go inside for Shabbat."
Bat mitzba- When a jew girl becomes a jew lady.
Challah- gooooood jewish bread
hannakah- opposite of Christmas
yarmulke- jew hat



One step closer to understanding my roots.

Leap of faith

I had what seemed to be a big disappointment occur this week. I didn't get the job that I had been hoping to get. A process that has extended into 4 months, just to find out I wasn't selected.

I also haven't yet found a place to live.

So here I am, tock a tickin' and I'm not sure what my future holds for me. It's a terrifying place to be standing in.

I met someone yesterday who told me that my aura sends off the message that life will be ok. That I am taken care of.

I slipped away after my conversation with her and help back my tears. It was the first time that I realized how big of a leap I've taken.

I don't know how I ended up in Portland.

I know I want to find a job that is full of love. I want my money and source of nutrition to come from a place of giving and life.

I want to live in a home that I am comfortable in. With people that are kind and aware of the beauty of the earth.

I am not completely lost. I am surrounded by the deepest and most beautiful family here. I am not alone.

I am trusting that love, income, shelter, food, and health are in my future.

He

I miss him every day.

The Flowering Pot

There is a deeper beauty in a flowering pot than in a gardening hose.

Somehow the one additional step of using the garden hose to fill the tin flowering pot makes you feel more connected to the flower itself.

As I watered the tomato plants this afternoon I caught my mind daydreaming back to a time in Taos, New Mexico, where I was surrounding by nothing but sage bushes and the greenest roughage I had ever seen. With a dog who went by the name of "Brown Dog Chicken Brown Dog", sniffing my feet begging to be pet, as I nourished the exotic flower beds with the water from a Flowering Pot, around a stranger's plantation.

It was a surreal moment. And yet natural and obvious.

Always use a flowering pot. It will cheer it up. Try it sometime.

The thread that runs through it.

Common thread.... uniformity in action.

We search.

For better hair, for healing, for a perfect partner, a companion, a dolla dolla bill yo, for the right job, for unselfish babies, for the ideal vacation spot, love, a new car, for world peace, for a belt to go with my new pants, a dry spot to pitch the tent, for a discounted plane ticket, a friday night college party....

Full Circle

I've neglected my writing in the last week or two. I've had a strange mix of excitement and fear leading up to this move that the result seemed to be emotional numbness. I spent too much time sitting with a vampire blankness and an uncertainty about my decision. In so many ways it felt right, but I'm just so bloody tired of packing and moving and living out of a suitcase. I'm tired of looking for jobs. I'm tired of searching, searching, searching.

I did a horrible packing job. Mostly because I chose to spend all of my free time either playing with my new and old friends or reading bad literature on the balcony.

Somewhere in my refusal to think or process the decision to move to Portland I felt the urge to let my roots go. I am ready to build a home.

Definition of HOME

1

a : one's place of residence : b : House

2

: the social unit formed by a family living together

3

a : a familiar or usual setting : congenial environment; also: the focus of one's domestic attention;home is where the heart isb : Habitat

4

a : a place of origin home to spawn;; also : one's own country home and abroad;: headquarters 2; home of the dance company

5

: an establishment providing residence and care for people with special needs;homes for the elderly;

6

: the objective in various games; especially : home plate

— at home

1

: relaxed and comfortable : at ease at home on the stage;

2

: in harmony with the surroundings

3

: on familiar ground : knowledgeable at home in their subject field

home:

My definition: A place to unpack my clothes. A place where my cat can freely run. A place/space full of friends.

A routine with added freshness each week or month. A job that is full of love and life. A space to explore and find deeper understanding of existence and purpose.

My first couple days in Portland have been wonderful. I was welcomed with the most loving arms and helpful muscles to carry my 3 enormous suitcases. I was given a cozy bed and two cats that enjoy sitting and staring. I was surrounded by familiar faces and positive energy.

In the mornings I pour my coffee and walk 12 feet over to the mansion and visit with the Stutzman girls. Sometimes I bring my breakfast over with me.

Then I go to interviews or apply to more jobs, walk throughout the neighborhood keeping my eyes out for apartments, and play endless hours of kickball in the park.

Yesterday on a walk I was lost in this city of green. Roses in every yard, bamboo on street corners, tiger lilies and lilacs winking at me as I walked by. Garden beds on the sidewalks, flowers too exotic for the most exotic of islands right here in my new city. All hues collided together to make a splash of approval.

Further along on my walk I spotted a hula hoop... and then another.. and another, and another, and another, and received my second or third or fourth confirmation that I do belong in this place.

Then I found two rad martini glasses in a "free" box and grabbed a handful of rosemary in one hand and fennel leaves in the other. I might have even skipped down a block.

I walked back to find the residents of Schuyler Mansion sitting on the stoop.

I saw a glimpse into my home.

Made up recipes

Swiss Chard and Eggplant Quiche

Cut up a bunch of swiss chard

dice a sweet onion

cube a small eggplant

saute all of the above

add garlic if you please

pour back into a mixing bowl

Add 4-5 eggs and 1-2 cups of milk

teaspoon of salt

teaspoon of peppa

pour into a greased baking or pie pan

cook for 35-45 minutes

Creamy Kale Pasta

Boil a bunch of Kale until tender

Drain the kale

In a pan melt 2 tablespoons of butter adding in 2 tablespoons of flour, thoroughly whisking as you add.

Stir in 2 cups of milk.

Pour this mixture and the kale into a blender or food processor.

If you have cheese add now. Feta is tasty.

Pour the creamy kale over whole wheat pasta.

Popcorn with honey

You know how sometimes things happen that don't make much sense? And you aren't sure why or how you can't seem to communicate what you need or want? Situations that don't seem like they should be as they are?

I don't know what to do about a situation in my life.

I crossed paths with someone, who gave me a glimpse into what it could be like to find someone who would be greatly suited for me. In came hope, safety, and excitement.

Our flavors not only meshed well, but they complimented each other... oddly, they did. Our behaviors seemed to be understood. Communication was light yet with deep substance. Mutual care and respect existed.

I suspect the heat was on too high. We were either going to burn or cook too fast. Neither being the ideal meal.

So we took the pot off the stove and stopped cooking it all together.

I ate popcorn with honey last night, and I wanted to tell him.

The popcorn with honey made me further reflect on the bigger picture.

Is it possible that my roots have already started to grow but I don't know where they are?

I'm trying to take advantage of every minute I have here in DC. It was not ideal to stay as long as I have, and it turned out to be slightly more emotionally difficult than anticipated.

I have finally found myself in a healthy routine... I quit smoking. I started yoga. I eat 5-7 fruits and veggies a day. I started making new friends. I even surprised myself by taking my non jogging legs, jogging. I read everyday. I journal every morning. I sit outside and talk to the moon at night. I sit and talk to strangers and sit and eat with familiar faces. I walk my neighbor's dog. I pour blood on trees. I cook every night. I watch bad tv. I smell flowers.

While I understand the significance in being comfortable with being alone, I also must equally acknowledge my love of people and the role it plays in who I am. I get energy from the presence of beautiful lives near me. I miss having that energy around me.

I debated how much I wanted to invest in the journey of finding "friends". I think my Tucson departure greatly affected my desire to build a new community. I have just experienced a painful break from something I worked hard to build and grow. It makes me anxious about humanity and fear betrayal. The pain has since been replaced with experience; with experience comes wisdom and often time caution. (Wisdom isn't always a result for me.) I feel cautious yet hopeful.

Fortunately, or sometimes unfortunately, I think one of my gifts is meeting people and forcing them to be my friend. I just have to make myself deal with the social anxiety and get out and do it.

I have begun to find a balance between the healthy alone and new energies... only to leave and restart in Portland...?

My suitcases are packed. My small room is starting to come together. Is there a wrong decision? I don't know that there is. I could go to Portland and be poorer in wealth but richer in family. I could stay in DC and be richer in wealth but strugglin' with the energies. ;)

I guess at this point I go to Portland. Luckily I've learned that this second skin of mine called loneliness is temporary, as all things are. I've also learned that money is just paper. It comes and it goes. Friends are priceless. And old lovers lost are things of poets.

While these two topics may seem unrelated they are both a part of a whole Elissa. Taking the vegetable curry off of the stove for fear it might burn meant I didn't get to eat dinner.

So instead I snacked on honey popcorn.

More laughs.

Making friends takes work. Sometimes work I don't want to put in. Yesterday I saw some of the results of my efforts and I was pleased.

I went to the drum circle solita. Surprisingly something that is pretty hard for me to do. People often think I'm more social than I am. I have a large amount of social anxiety that seeps through my pores when I am forced to do things alone.... well rather, when alone carrying hope or intention of making friends.

I got to the circle trying to shrug off the loneliness within. Immediately I spotted a new "friend". I use the term friend loosely as we maybe had interacted once prior to this encounter. He was sleeping under a tree. I figured it was appropriate to wake him for the sake of company; luckily my weak filter balances my social anxiety and allows for me to do socially unacceptable things to people.

Dan is an activist that plays harmonica and fixes and rides bikes. He's a bit stinky and prefers not to launder his clothing. He writes short stories and has a show on Madison's public radio. He's like every hipster boy I knew in Tucson.

While chatting, hooping, and harmonaking with my new man Dan I quickly spotted another acquaintance. Like I said before, beggars can't be choosers, so I take what I can get, however it's possible this person might not make it to friend status. We chit chatted and then I went back to the harmonica.

Moments later I saw Sakar. My new hairy friend. He was hooping at the front of the circle, which meant I was only going to say a quick hello and move back to my hidden spot.

Once back to my spot I ran into an old friend and former neighbor Drex and hooped alongside him for awhile.

Not ten minutes went by until my new friend Lisa and her boyfriend Alex trotted up. My man Dan and Sakar sat down and joined the Lovely Lisa and Alex and I. Within ten minutos my brother-in-law's sister and girlfriend walked by and joined us. While laughing with Rosie and Lisa, my new crush the Turkish Murat biked his way over. It was a gentle mist of freshness.

I spent the rest of my evening eating pupusas and drinking bad margaritas with 5 lovely and 1 slightly annoying new people.

---

1 month ago I went to the drum circle all by myself. Not a familiar face to be seen.

Yesterday I walked there alone, riddled with familiar smiles, new hugs, and more laughs.

Vegetable love

Recently I've only been eating what I can buy from the farmers market and in bulk from the local co-op.

I think I spend less money, I eat more plant based food than I've ever eaten before, and I am 100% regular.

I find that I have to get pretty creative sometimes with my meals as I'm not accustomed to making so much healthy food from random vegetables.

Some of my favorites:

Radish and Carrot Salad

I use a grater to grate both the carrots and radishes.

Add a sprinkle of raw sugar.

a bit of white wine

a bit more vinegar

olive oil

salt and pepper to taste

Fennel Salad:

Dice the fennel pretty thin

Several tablespoons of olive oil

half of lemon

salt and pepper to taste

Southern Kale: (I didn't make this one up)

saute garlic and spring onions

add chopped kale with a bit of water

cover the pot with a lid and let it cook down

Kale Chips: (a good after dinner snack)

sprinkle olive oil on a cookie sheet

cut kale into small pieces and lay on the sheet

re-sprinkle olive oil on the kale

salt and pepper to taste

Baked Brussel sprouts:

cut the sprouts into fourths

place in a baking pan

mince 5 cloves of garlic

dice half an onion

2 tablespoons of fresh ginger root

cover the sprouts with the onion, garlic, and ginger and 2 tablespoons of olive oil

bake for a while in the oven at a seemingly appropriate temperature

Arugula Pesto: (this is now one of my favorites and a good break to almost 100% fruits and veggies everyday)

Place a couple cups of arugula into a pot of water.

As soon as the water comes to a boil turn it off and dump the arugula over a bowl of ice water. (to stop the cooking process)

I wring the water out with my hands and place the arugula into a food processor(or blender), add several cloves of garlic and some olive oil.

Serve over spinach and tomato or whole wheat pasta.

SO tasty.

Will you be my mom?

New play or short story ideas:

1) Which one is she tonight?

2)Gay costume club and techno raver club housed in the same warehouse. And the events that occur when they are mixed up.

3) The nuances of human behavior

New idea for online meet up site:

Willyoubemymom.com

I know I'm not the only person that wishes they had a mom. Unlike others I do have a human that is a alive that brought me into this world, but sadly she's not a mom nor has she been for now ten years.

I, along with the psychological input from my friend Beth, decided to start a new kind of "dating" website.

That's right, I'm going to start a website where boys, girls, (of adult age) whether gay or transgendered or straight or Italian can match their profiles with women that want to be mothers.

Eventually we'll add on fathers, but to pilot it I'm going to start with just the moms.

Obviously this is in it's beginning stages but feel free to give feedback. I might not be momless forever after all.

Karma Karma Karma Karmacameleon

Karma.

We throw that word around often, perhaps without a full understanding of it's significance. Or perhaps it is just as basic as gravity that we don't even notice it after awhile.

I often say to things like, "I'm not going to get upset about that, Karma will run it's course."

That's a phrase I used quite a bit during the "oh my friend is sleeping with my ex boyfriend" stage.

However I do not think I've ever sat and thought, oh that was a result of Karma....?

I love music. Metro rides go quicker with songs. Walking through cities hand selecting the soundtracks of my life makes for interesting experiences. I love laying in bed and listening to music. I love going to a bar or drum circle and listening/dancing to live music.

So when Eileen had her ipod stolen and was going to be in South America without a small device that could pump music into her soul, I sadly knew I had to give her mine. I could not leave my friend without song.

I spent an evening thoughtfully hand selecting her new playlist and sent her off with this music projecting device.

I have thought on and off about getting a new ipod, but finally decided against it as I am trying to save and pinch my every penny right now.

Last night, after a lovely evening of jazz you couldn't really hear in the sculpture garden, sitting and conversing with 15-20 random strangers I ran into my friend Ben. Ben directed me to the blanket where several other of our friends were sitting and as the night progressed I moved on with my old friends and left the new behind.

Upon arriving to Tiffany's adam's morgan apartment, she threw an ipod at me and said, "Do you want this? I'm getting rid of it."

WHO just gives away ipods?!

So this morning I sit and type while listening to a not yet synced ipod. Yo Yo Ma, Beirut, Bjork, Ms. Apple, and Sufjan fill my morning today.

Thank you Tiffany and Universe for my new ipod.

Ms. Firefly

I saw my first firefly of the summer.

She was waiting for me at the front door.

How to... make friends.

I met this girl a week or so ago while hula hooping. She was nice enough, and we chatted while hooping. After some conversation we discovered that we not only both had the same outdated blue chocolates (that's a phone), but we also taught in the same district, just a mile apart, AND we shared a mutual friend, my brother-in-law.

At the end of our conversation she invited me to participate in a Monday Night Activity Club that she started several years ago. "A great way to meet friends", was how she ended her quick advertisement for her 140 person club.

Well... if you happen to know me these days, you know that I'm in the market for some friends. Not that my friends aren't good enough, because I am quite happy with each and every one of them, but many of them still here in the DC area are now married or with child, or both= makes for a lonely Friday night.

I saw an email sent out from the MNAC about a play tonight at Woolly Mammoth, the best theater in DC, and I decided to jump on it!

I was meeting one of the participants of this MNAC at the theater for my ticket. As fate would have it, this dude, knowing I don't know anyone yet, gave me the ONLY ticket that was by itself, in the second row. "Jerk", was my first thought. But fortunately I sat beside a chatty guy. And really, everyone in the theater was a stranger so it didn't really matter who I sat beside., just stunk because the whole reason I drug my butt out in the gross heat was to go make some new friends...

The play was phenomenal! Go see it. BootyCandy.

http://www.woollymammoth.net/performances/show_bootycandy.php

Well, at the end of the play, my chatty neighbor Raul, asked me to get coffee with this week. And WALA, new friend.

So there Monday Night Activity Club!

Monthly spectaculars

2011 has been pretty kind to me thus far, and I've been quite pleased and thankful for all the opportunities I've had in these last 5 months.

December 31,2010, 11:30 pm. Place, Lima Peru. I began my year on a southern continent.

January.

We dropped off our backpacks and ran into the streets of Lima. We had to take cover from the homemade fireworks, as several young boys were setting them off across the street from us and an older gentlemen was setting one off about an inch from us. I was convinced we weren't going to make it back alive. My fears were reinforced when we walked by a flaming fire in the middle of the street as a result of a "gone bad" fuego artificial. It was either the fireworks, or the crazy drivers... red lights mean beep loud but don't bother to slow down, that were going to be the end of Elissa Cirignotta... or so I thought.

January was full of surprises. Besides bussing my way all over the luscious mountainy Peruvian terrain and surfing and sipping beers on the cold waters brought by the Humbolt current I also got to go to a place that I have seen in my dreams. A place I consider to be one of the most magical lands on earth. Easter Island. I climbed a volcano. I talked to the heads. I cried into the ocean. I developed excitement over a far away Southern romance. I watched the sunsets and saw the sun greet me in the morning.
February.February was no disappointment after thatepic adventure. I battled my usual issues obviously, but was getting so many universe kisses still that I often woke up feeling giddy.
I spent the short month visiting with my old friends. Holding babies. Skyping my southern romance. And then my friend asked me to go to Oprah with her. I got to do yet ANOTHER thing I've always thought would be amazing to do in my lifetime. I winked at this American Icon, Oprah Winfrey. And as though it couldn't get better, Oprah gave me (and everyone else there) 2 tickets to Ceaser's Palace in Vegas, along with 2 tickets to Celine Dion, and free food for the weekend. Good one, universe.

March.
March was pretty monumental. I made a leap larger than I thought possible toward healing a wound I've been hiding. March was healing.
However, all good things must also end... so they say.

April.
April had it's FAIR share of difficulties. But it also had Oprah's vacation to Vegas with 3 amazing women. And 7 days of Coastal California with powerful and beautiful people. Plus I got a really big paycheck.

May.

Other than going on the romantic DC date that I always wanted to go on, and having some out of town visitors, my month has been kinda...blah?

I keep waiting for that awesome something to happen. It doesn't. Perhaps that's unrealistic. It is quite uncommon to have a "spectacular" event occur every month of the year. However on the flip side, I lead a slightly uncommon life right now. Perhaps turning 28 is going to be spectacular? Maybe I should focus more on those small day to day joys in my last 4 days of May and 27?

It's been a bad day.

Have you ever had really bad days? Or discouraging days?

Yesterday was a big buzz kill day for me. It was hard and stirred up anger. I know anger is important to feel, but I don't like myself when I harbor anger.

I did a compassion meditation on Saturday evening where I was guided to think of someone I have a difficult relationship with and then ultimately fill them with compassion. It was a good reminder of how fresh and beautiful compassion makes your heart feel.

Sometimes I really suck at being compassionate.

This week my whole life kinda looks different again. These moments make me feel overwhelmed and lost in this bustling and busy world.

Yet, I hold on this faith I have, that I don't really understand, as a non religious human being.

I told the universe last night that I am completely open. I will go where I am led. I don't really know what that means or how that will transpire, but here we go. My hands are up.

Farm in Pennsylvania

This morning as I walked out the door, I was greeting with an invasion of memories. There was a new rain on the ground, giving freshness to the earth. The natural scent of the trees and dirt were pungent in the air and seeped their way into my memories.
For a second I was ten, waking up on gramma and grandad's farm. Waking up from a restful sleep in the pitchblack basement bedroom, having fallen asleep to the sounds of singing frogs. Gramma was upstairs watching the news, making coffee, and preparing breakfast. I first walked up the stairs in my pjs to be greeted by this lovely woman with thin lips that smelled of perfume. I stepped outside covering my barefeet with the new dew, misty fog in the air, and mountains, grass, horses, and nature on all sides of me.

Then I got in my car and drove to work.

best salad

A recipe to share.

1 carrot chopped

1 spring onion

a handful of snap peas

1/4 of a tomato cubed

arugula

dressing

1 tablespoon of honey

2 tablespoon of olive oil

2 garlic cloves minced

a big squirt of mustard

The Art of Leaving.

On the road you are in a constant flux of both arrival and departure, never staying quite long enough to feel the comfort of familiarity or staying just long enough that the comfort of familiarity gives you permission to extend your wings and ride on, or sometimes... makes it harder to fly away.
Stops are replaced by faces. New Orleans, Austin, Taos, San Diego, Tucson, Nogales, Bisbee, San Francisco, Portland, Los Angelos, Lima, Huanchaco, Arlington, Alexandria, Portland, Phoenix, Atlanta, Mancora, Cajamarca, Mount Joy, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Columbus, Bar Harbor, Narragansett, Providence, Newport, Boston, Chicago, Lubbock, Las Vegas, Bakersfield, Berkeley, Corvalis, Lancaster,Harrisburg, Harrisonburg, Santa Barbara, Salem. (Yes, those are all the places I have been to in 1.5 years. Scary and amazing.) All of these faces have a story. A unique, sometimes dark, often complex, and beautiful story. But because of the nature of who I am right now I am only able to create a brief glimpse into a life that I may never fully know.

The Art of Leaving. Part I

I decided to write about this because it is something I struggle with.
Leaving.
I'm scared of being left behind.
No, let's clarify; I'm TERRIFIED of being left behind. (Note that I'm not referring to the George Bush or Revelations rendition of the phrase.)
I've spent the larger majority of my last ten years struggling with my family leaving me behind and having this fear effect my relationships with men, with friendships, and with myself even.
So what did I do?
I left.
I left over and over again.
I kept leaving. I left my thoughts. I abandoned some of my emotions and moved onto other fears I wanted to face.
After all, if I'm the one who keeps leaving, it becomes harder for someone to leave me? Logical,no?

Now, I do have to give myself some credit as well, because an abandoner am I not. I do, however, define myself as being an adventurer. After spending some time picking up my pieces I wanted to feel, breathe, experience, talk, and live. But in order to do it, I had to leave. I didn't just leave a location, I left a state of mind. I wanted to stop thinking.. SO MUCH, about everything. I wanted to throw caution to the wind.

I don't think I should be too hard on myself and also have to take credit for the years that I stayed. I loved myself enough to commit to therapy, to crying, to writing, to talking, and learning. I made myself face the situation I was in and learn how to be ok with what was left.


Well, here I am. With the same fear I started facing in 2001.

I'm thinking about not leaving. I'm thinking about getting that studio apartment in Northwest DC. I'm thinking about getting some bookshelves and unpacking my clothes. I'm thinking about spending a year staying. In one place. (minus some adventures here and there).
but these are just some thoughts.

LOL. (Laugh Out Loud)

I really enjoy laughing. I love lots of types of humor... quirky, dry, accidental, parodies, satires... I like it. I laugh.

I have so many funny friends in my life.
Some recent people that have made me laugh include...

Majed. Majed and I could sit and laugh for hours. Literally, it seemed as though all we did was laugh. Sometimes we would sit and watch Youtube videos and just laugh, take bike rides along the river path (the river path is void of river, but if you have ever lived in the southwest you know that people really want to pretend they have water and things like rivers, so they call dried up washes, rivers, rationalizing that because once a year during a heavy monsoon water will flow through it for about 10 minutes) and laugh across the way to each other, make dinner- laugh,.. . Our senses of humors clicked well, so we fed off of one another. He is a brilliant creature whom is often as equally silly.. combination=really funny.

Beth. Beth and I were meant to do stand up together. Really, we probably weren't, but ourcombined jokes, make me SO happy. The Katie, Beth, Becky, Emily, Elissa, Annie, Dan, Stepan combo= killer.

I could go on and on about all my funny friends. But I'm going to stop here for a minute.. and talk about Jane Doe. Jane Doe sends the best emails ever. I LOL everytime I read her emails. I don't have her permission yet to post these, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway just because they are so awesome.
Here's a bit of what it's like to be friends with my lovely friend, Jane Doe. (everyone's name is Jane Doe- Fyi, not quite as funny(ironically), but when I have some time I'll make up fun names for them.)

sample 1:
"I am typing with two hands today because Jane Doe is napping. It feels so lovely to type with two hands.

Jane Doe I cant believe you jogged!!! Super -mom. Or just super strong perineum!! You have the best perineum ever. I still have not gone walking but I think I am going to attempt a walk in the park today."

sample 2:
"yes the dress is great. Wearing a bra is of upmost importance. I ordered a bra through the mail and just received it yesterday. It is a 34G. Plus with the milk leaking I need breast pads at all times so I will definitely be wearing a bra on becky and stepans wedding day. My boobs are still larger than Ellie's head. My perineum cringes at the thought of what it would be like to birth one of my breasts. So thankfully I just birthed a baby. Speaking of my perineum cringing. Whenever I hear someone talk about having 8+ children, my vagina cries a little bit.


Jane Doe I am confused a little bit about what exactly you want me to measure. Maybe its because my brain is still sleep deprived despite the fact that my mom is feeding
Jane Doe one bottle per day. I think when my mom leaves I will probably go from being a little slow to being MR.
Jane Doe you should do an intelligence test on me and maybe I could qualify for some sort of government assistance?

I am so excited that you guys are all cutting your hair short. I would like to do that too.
Jane Doe can you send me a picture of your new haircut. I hope you left a tail in the back. Remember
Jane Doe our old youth leader from church. She had that sweet braided tail. man some people are just too cool to handle.

My mother has been introduced to all sorts of "worldly" things since she has been at our house. I have introduced her to The Kardashians (she had never heard of them), the movie The Hangover, house hunters, meet the fockers, and swamp people. She is totally intrigued but I feel that I am damaging her precious little mind with our fancy cable TV.

Elissa I am planning on ordering another bra so if you want you can use it as a sleeping bag you can when we have our all girl slumber party. Just wanted to let you know so you didn't pack a sleeping bag."

sample 3:
"Jane Doehas been intermittantly screaming/crying sinve 4 30am.. it is 1 15pm. i am sending her to gauntanamo bay to torture the prisoners there."


sampe 4:
"Yes Jane Doe I will take a size small then. Elissa I have a dress of Jane Doe's that she just grew out of. Do you want me to send it to you? You might be able to wear it for the rehearsal dinner. Its has pink and black polka dots and has a little black cardigen to match. Just let me know.

I know these emails are directed towards wedding planning so I am sorry if I am boring you with details of my life with Jane Doe. But I feel the need to share this information. So for the last couple of nights I was convinced that Jane Doe was trying to kill me through sleep deprivation and audio annoyance. But then last night she slept for 4 hours!!! So exciting. I did give her mylecon before bed which I am now calling "Jane Doe's magic sleep potion" I am not having any high expectations for tonight but I was thinking about making a chart and giving Jane Doe gold stars for sleeping 4 or more hours and if she saves up enough then I will not send her to Cuba. Elissa I think you as a teacher can relate with this plan of action."

and finally
sample 5:
"so you know how sometimes you say sarcastically about someone "oh he thinks he is so cool that he thinks his shit don't stink" well I have met someone who literally believes that his shit does not stink and that is my dad.........the other night he claimed to me that his diet is so pure of fruits and vegetables that his stool is nearly odorless. WTF

So you know how babies cry and spit up and get gassy because their little digestive systems are immature. Well my dad was suggesting that maybe Ellie needs probiotic enzyme supplements...........remind me not to let my dad watch her lest he be feeding her activia yogurt at 4 weeks old. WTF

so my dad loves his car more than almost anything else and he spends hours waxing his car. Well he thinks my car looks terrible so he has spent the last 2 days waxing my car. Which is lovely, but he claims that the paint looks so bad because birds poop on the car and their stool is very acidic and damages the paint. I wondered aloud if my dad pooped on my car would it still cause damage to the paint? is his stool along with being nearly odorless also non-acidic???

also my dad made me watch this hour and a half long lecture on the internet as to why fructose is poison. Then he ate a bowl of icecream with chocolate syrup. WTF

Last night I was of course up with Jane Doe and I started to think about my dads odorless stool and I just started giggling and I couldnt stop. I am surprised that he didnt have me smell it or something. I think the only person who can claim nearly odorless stool is Jane Doe. Maya could probably make that claim as well.

well everyone is going to bed and I will be awake."



Don't you wish you got emails from her too?

Vanilla Chip, Raison Cookie

A student came in today with a smile and a cookie. He said, "Ms. Cirignotta, thanks for being my teacher."

:) A sweet part of the day.

Sarah. Plain, and Tall.

I did something again today that I don't normally do. I'm giving away my precious 20 minute lunch time to read with students.
This lunch break is sometimes my ONLY time throughout the day without children. I value it.

But one of my guided reading groups is reading Sarah Plain and Tall! I say that as though it's a surprise to me, and as though I wasn't the one to walk down to the book room and pick all of my childhood favorites. (We've got Charlotte's Web, James and the Giant Peach, Double Fudge, Misty of Chincoteague, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory going right now.)
Truth be told, I think the only reason they are excited to read this story is because I've been acting like a giddy ten year old. Yesterday we read through our lunch. (I had to hide a tear that I felt welling up as Sarah wrote back to little Caleb, telling him that she does in fact sing.) They asked me if they could come back today to read at lunch. I couldn't say no.

Today's menu: roasted brussel sprouts, black eyed pea soup, 3 students, and Sarah. Plain. and Tall.

All in a day.

So yesterday I decided to do something that I don't normally do. Or rather, something I've never done. I did an hour by hour documentation of my day, inspired by Rebekah.

And here it is.

9:00 hour- I journaled... and then laid in bed daydreaming.

10:00 hour: Cafe; always a treat. I didn't just

drink coffee for an entire hour, close, but a bit over the top. I also read a book about vampires. I'm SUCKED in! (I promise it's not Twilight)

11:00 hour: I took a shower. Obviously not for an hour, but a critical part of my day. Then I

metroed my my butt to Eastern Market... not knowing what the day had in store for me.

12:00 hour: Most of my 12 o'clock hour was spent with my two friends at lunch... however

technically part of it was still on the metro because the steamy hot vampire sex scene in my book required ALL my focus forcing

me to miss my metro stops.

1:00 hour: Lunching with Courts and Liz. The highlight of our lunch was by far the moment when the waitress came to the table, took our silverware back, and gave it to another table. I didn't even have time to tell her I had already used the spoon. So strange.

2:00 hour: I bought a lady bug clip at the market for my sweet little Maya Robin.

3:00 hour: I stopped by Jill's house to pee and fill up my water bottle. She gave me ice and

lemons to put in my bottle. This is Pippa. Well rather this is her nose. We took Pippa for a walk this hour.

4:00 hour: I found people that I love sitting in the park. Jill went her way and I sat down.

5:00 hour: I danced to the drums for a bit. Then I hula hooped, but mainly I was thinking, "San is so pretty." :)

6:00 hour: I met Sakar. Sakar and I bonded over a story Joel told us about hairy yetties from Switzerland that fought ogres and orks.? Sakar has the hairiest face in the whole world and now I can say I've met the man with the hairiest face in the whole world. (I'm allowed to say things like that because I'm a hairy Italian.)He's also very funny and likes to play tag with 9 year olds and dance barefoot.

_____________________
7:00 hour- My 7 o'clock can hardly be given the privilege of having a photograph. The rain broke up the drum circle. We ran for cover. Then I had a Harold and Kumar go to White Castle moment, trying to get to my dinner party. I was several years late to dinner.

8:00 and 9:00 hour: I watched Jeremy cook us shrimp kabobs and spinach risotto, while Jason and

Courtney and I did this-

10:00 hour: This is how I left them.

11:00-12:00 hours: Vampire book reading in bed. No photographs. It got graphic.