Day one back to work:
I was so anxious the night before that I barely slept. The little sleep I did receive was consumed by bizarre dreams uncomfortably verging on being nightmarish.
I woke up early. Made coffee and sat in my living room for a morning meditation. (I'm challenging myself to spend time in meditation for 40 days. And then evaluate the situation to see if I'd like to become a professional meditater.)
I left my house 5 minutes ahead of schedule, coffee in tow, feeling at peace. (I'm not quite ready to quit coffee.)
The moment I parked my car at "headquarters" I realized how anxious I get after driving. Anxiety is almost inevitable after a 35-80 minute commute.
I hadn't put my bag down before the requests came pouring in. Packets were waiting for me in my mailbox, over a hundred emails in my inbox, and five missed calls. All before 7:30 am?!
It was almost as though I could see my brain transform into a factory robot that was mass producing bullets of cortisol that were cannon balling into my bloodstream. How's that for dramatic.
I remembered my morning meditation and found myself seated at my desk, eyes closed, and breathing. Followed by 30 minutes of nonstop catching up and racing to the board room for our 8:00 morning department meeting.
I'm not sure if it was intended to be a pep talk or a mockery.
"Budget cuts this, budget cuts that. Remember to make a presence in your schools. Everyone's class sizes went up so they need you to work harder and longer! Go you! Oh and your insurance prices went up so budget better this year if you want to save. You're all so smart! Your expertise is mind blowing. This isn't final yet, but maybe don't expect that cost of living salary increase this year. Bummer right?! And now let's go save the world!!"
At this point I had a small pile of handplucked eyebrows reminding me of the cortisol take over in my body.
Then we were back at it. Meetings, phone calls, stress eating, angry teachers, and upset parents, ending with a 40 minute commute back home.
I walked in my door and uncontrollably burst into tears, perhaps even an occasion sob could have been detected. I talked through the day with a former coworker and then found my way to the park. Within moments I was invited to sit under a tree, where I proceeded to cry for over an hour.
I knew I had to pull myself together so I drew up a plan. The plan involved bath salts, chocolate, licorice root tea, candles, and a book. I collected all of the items and decided that I would fight back. I wanted the cortisol out of my body.
I stayed in the bath until my cat tried to join me. I felt rejuvenated after a 60 minute soak.
I meditated myself to sleep knowing that tomorrow we could try this again.
Day three I brought with me the peace lily that had made my bedroom it's home. I decided I would attempt to bring part of the peace and beauty I find in my home into my work space. I prepared a small calming area in my cubicle and went at it again. However this was also the day my brakes went out(ish) and resulted in a $330 fee. Bummer right?!
But that was ok, I knew I had an evening jog and bath waiting for me when I returned home.
By day four I was exhausted. Even with going to bed by 9:15 every night. I felt emotionally drained and endlessly grateful for the 5 day mini break ahead.
I've got 2 1/2 days left and I feel a sense of urgency. I have got to come up with a plan! Life is too short to not live the best way I can! To live my dreams.
In the meantime, sure, there are bath salts and chocolate and yoga, but I've got to figure out how to build this bridge. Or perhaps the bridge is already built and I just have to find my way across.
Blah blah blah.
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